Everyone wants to Rap. In fact, in 2009, it seems like everyone DOES Rap. And while countless actors and athletes have dabbled in a musical genre they have no business participating in, it seems like NBA players will not give up the dream of moving from the court to the studio. Both retired and current players have tried their hand at Rap...not realizing that there is a reason they play basketball. They can't Rap. Here are the 10 Worst Rapping NBA Players.
10. SHAQUILLE O'NEAL
The greatest thing about Shaq's Rap career is he didn't give a shit what you said. For the most part everyone said he was a wack rapper but that didn't stop Shaq from putting out four albums including one that went platinum. All that being said, nothing was wacker than when Shaq thought he was a member of Gravediggaz on "No Hook":
Shaq didn't need no hooks but he did need a flow. The only Shaq album I'll fess up to buying is "Shaq-Fu Da Return"...and that's only because of this song:
That was far and away Shaq's best song. He still didn't Rap very well but the storytelling on this track was on point...ok...this track was aiiiight too:
9. CHRIS WEBBER AKA C.WEBB
Around the same time he was a "Sac King", Chris Webber decided that being a dominant NBA player wasn't enough and set out to
conquer embarrass himself in the Rap game. C.Webb released his debut (and only) album "2 Much Drama" in 1999. The album, featuring such creative song titles as "Keepz Burnin", "Played Nomoe" and "Straight Hatin", spawned only one single. The Kurupt and Redman assisted "Gangsta Gangsta":
"From the home of J.Rose and Jerome Bettis"...YEAH SON...WHAT! haha. Hey C.Webb, there is only one rappin' Fab 5:
8. ALLEN IVERSON AKA JEWELZ
Going by the moniker Jewelz, AI dropped this little ditty which was to be the precursor to his debut album. Unfortunately the NBA didn't take too kindly to AI's lyrics about faggots and killing people (go figure). Compared to some of his other counterparts, AI didn't rap terribly but unfortunately hearing about street life from a multi-million dollar basketball player isn't the most marketable product. AI's Rap dreams were quickly dashed just like Chingy's.
7. ISAIAH (J.R.) RIDER
When he wasn't busy getting arrested and breaking NBA conduct rules, J.R. Rider managed to release a song called "Funk In The Trunk" in 1994:
As it turns out, the trunk is where this song should have stayed. It was released on the 1994 compilation "B-Balls Best Kept Secret." J.R. Rider even talked about his burgeoning Rap career with John Thompson (fast forward to 1:32):
He was already planning multiple albums for each artist? Sounds like a great plan for people no one had ever heard of. Thankfully Rider abandoned his Rap career. After being arrested on suspicion of auto theft in 2008, Rider began talking about trying to join the ABA. Either that or he could probably get a deal with E1 Music.
6. TROY HUDSON AKA T-HUD
"I'm a gangsta muhfucka/I'm a gangsta muhfucka"...no you're not. You played in the NBA. T-Hud's debut album "Undrafted" sold an unbelievably small 78 copies. Seriously, if you bought this album please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I'd love to do some science experiments on you. Hudson named his label Nutty Boyz Entertainment. Nutty being what you would need to be in order to think this was gonna work. I'll let Jim Rome tell it:
"What's 78 copies sold? Aluminium foil? Dirt?" ETHER.
5. CHRIS MILLS
Chris Mills is probably the only person on the list to suck at both basketball AND rapping. Ok he didn't suck at basketball but his career was easily forgettable. With quotables like "'cause I'm a big ball player/a nice rhyme sayer/and as you all know I'm a fly girl layer" Mills Rap career was doomed to be MIMS-like from the get-go. "Sumptin' To Groove To" is one of those song titles that tells you all you need to know about the song without even listening to it. It tells you NOT to listen to it.
4. RON ARTEST
Ron Artest dropped his debut album "My World" October 31st, 2006. The album reportedley sold an outstanding 365 copies during its first week in stores (does that even qualify as going wood in the hood?). Artest rapping isn't very pleasing to the ear...although he did have a video with Nature and Mike Jones:
He also put out a very random, awful sounding tribute to Michael Jackson:
Maybe Artest should just stick to karoaoke:
3. JASON KIDD
Jason Kidd isn't an idiot. He realized that his 1994 cut "What The Kidd Did" feat. Money B wasn't the business:
"This I give assist like a high school tutor"...move over Rakim! This song was just all types of wrong. Not only does Jason Kidd not scream "I'm a rapper", but his flow has a lot of leaks.
2. WALT "THE WIZZARD" WILLIAMS
Quick: Think of one of the very last NBA players that should Rap...did Walt Williams come to mind? Forget the fact that Walt Williams looked like a grandfather before the age of 30, this guy just didn't have anything Hip-Hop about him. Yet he still managed to release this gem in October 2002:
SOMEONE GET PEN & PIXEL ON THE PHONE! The MS Paint album cover led into some truly horrible rapping. Unfortunately, the music is so bad no one even bothered to upload it to YouTube (I mean come on...Dennis Scott's Rap song is on there) but you can check out samples from the album here. This is a comment someone wrote on Amazon about the album:
(Click to enlarge)
You're only a customer Walt:
1. KOBE BRYANT
Even though every single player on this list more or less sucks at rapping, some just had NO BUSINESS at all even trying. Kobe Bryant is one of these people. Kobe's "smash hit" (and only Rap song) was called "Kobe" and featured Tyra Banks (how did no one see this was a bad idea just based on that information?):
Yikes. You know you're in trouble when Tyra Banks is the best performance on the song. The less terrible rapping NBA player even dissed him:
Don't know if he knows how Shaq's ass tastes but he probably knows somethin' about Tyra's. I mean come on...why else would Kobe have embarrassed himself like that?