Written by brokencool writer Slava P
It’s been a busy week for everyone's favorite rapper-turned-rocker-turned-fashion designer, Lil’ Wayne. He signed Christina Milian to his label, performed at the Grammys and, if rumours are to be believed, got engaged to his girlfriend and broke up a fight between Common and Drake, presumably all while doing kick flips and having mixed children. Most notable of these 'accomplishments' is the signing of Mrs. Milian to Young Money, a team that has been steadily adding members to its roster throughout 2011 in order to help get features on Tyga's album without having to pay royalties. Mystikal and Busta Rhymes are just two of the big-name artists who surprised the industry by pledging their allegiance to Birdman and Cash Money, but we at brokencool have come up with a list of ten more "rappers" whose career might benefit from a YMCMB hoodie.
Young B AKA That 'Chicken Noodle Soup' chick
After releasing the aforementioned catchy single with DJ Webstar in 2006, Young B sort of fell off the map in the following years. She tried feuding with Lil' Mama to bolster her career, but whatever they say about steel sharpening steel doesn't work if the pieces of steel are actually hot turds. If Young B signs with Young Money not only will she have access to Nicki Minaj's extensive weave collection, she'll also gain a new best friend in Shanell (who nobody loves).
DJ UNK AKA The creative genius behind 'Walk It Out'
DJ Unk released the his claim to fame in 2006, and although he's been putting out 'songs' for the last couple of years he hasn't been able to repeat his initial success. Although Cash Money already has a DJ in Khaled, they could always use a DJ that actually does something instead of just providing motivational ad-libs. Plus for all of their worldliness, Cash Money is still missing a representative for the 'Down South'.
Ray-J AKA Brandy's brother
While he's better known for putting his dick in things and putting on private shows for athletes and their friends, it's often forgotten that Ray-J can sing. Remember that One Wish song?! Yeah, me neither. The media whore in Ray-Ray will welcome the chance to sign on with the biggest conglomerate in music while the goons of the group (Gudda) will welcome having someone to occupy their time through bullying.
Jibbs AKA He whose chain hangs low
Ok, back to 2006! His cleverly named debut album 'Jibbs featuring Jibbs' produced two singles in Chain Hang Low and King Kong, the latter of which Wayne bodied on the Drought 3 mixtape which gives him some clout, I guess. Apparently Jibbs is scheduled to come out with an album in September of this year on Aftermath records, so he should become label-less as soon as October!
John Mayer AKA Black people's ex-favorite white person
After making some questionable comments in Playboy, Mr. Mayer has announced that he would be taking some time off music. Apparently, just because you were on Chappelle's show doesn't mean you can drop n-bombs as often as Birdman, but you know what does? Signing to Birdman (probably)! Plus, a guitar battle between Mayer, Kevin Rudolf and Lil' Wayne would rival the closing performance at this years Grammys (probably not).
Hurricane Chris AKA A Bay Bay!
According to his Wikipedia article, the Louisiana native came up with his nickname because of his ability to rap fast and twist the words, "like a hurricane had just blown through". This absolute lack of irony should appeal to Lil' Wayne, who would appreciate another young career to ruin. His soon to be released mixtape is set to feature Mystikal and Lil' Twist so he's clearly already half way to signing, they just need to order some extra-extra-small YMCMB t-shirts first.
Lauryn Hill AKA Nicki Minaj v.1
I know that in many of your eyes Lauryn Hill is a legend, but that doesn't change the fact that she hasn't released anything for over a decade and that her recent live shows can be described as being nothing less than "absolutely batshit insane". If anything can revive her career it's the Cash Money machine, complete with a Stupid Hoe remix and skateboarding lessons from Lil' Wayne.
Cherish AKA .....?
This group was so forgetable I couldn't even think of a funny tagline, but they're the 'Do it To It' girl group from Atlanta. Believe it or not, they were huge in New Zealand! There's no punchline to that either, but I'm really having trouble finding anything of substance to ridicule. I guess they could help babysit Lil' Chuckee or something.
Bobby Brown AKA The over-vilified ex
Nothing revives your career like signing on to a powerful organization with tons of connections, just ask Michael Jordan and the Charlotte Bobcats. Since he's most likely looking to distance himself from Whitney's less glamorous side, it would make the most sense for Bobby to sign on not as an artist, but as a preacher. Or at the very least, some sort of mascot.
Gucci Mane's OTHER Personality AKA The one that keeps the passenger seat XX-chromosome-free
We know that Gucci is very much involved with Lil' Wayne and Birdman but as we found out in 2011's court case, Mr. Radric Davis has a split personality. Always one to make controversial moves, Birdman should consider offering a contract to the Mr. Hyde part of Gucci's persona. I assume it's the one that decided to get that unfortunate tattoo, setting him up for a life-time of "cream on your face" punchlines from unknown rappers.