In the world of hip hop, branding is king. It's the reason why 2Chainz has risen above his sub par lyricism on the strength of a name change and it's why the king and queen of the urban world have recently trademarked the name of their newborn child, Blue Ivy. Unfortunately, this quest for fresh monikers can ultimately have its casualties when those in the hip hop world try to impose their creativity onto their children, as is the case with the aforementioned Blue Ivy (for those that don't know; it's a combination of the couple's favorite color/number. Creative, I know). But believe it or not, Blue Ivy is NOT the worst name that an artist has chosen for their child. Here are five other "names" that we'll be hearing about in the next fifteen-or-so years for the right or (most likely) wrong reasons.
#5 The Game - Cali Dream
Never one for making reasonable decisions, The Game went down the path of naming his only daughter after what sounds like a very potent strain of kush. Since teenagers are known for being rebellious, we can expect Ms. Dream to start interning at the local police department in the coming years much to the chagrin of her father. What's the over-under on when she gets her first regrettable face tattoo?
#4 DMX - King Coy Deel
Since DMX's real name is something simple like Earl Simmons, he decided to get weird with his kids and name them after something you'd expect to find on a boss level in a Nintendo game. Though it's not listed, it's safe to assume that Coy's middle name is 'arf arf'. If King Coy Deel inherited his father's temper, we can expect him to enter the MMA circuit soon and subsequently kill a man in the cage in the years following. Hopefully while barking.
#3 Yelawolf - Phoenix "Blackfeather"
Since Yela is of Cherokee descent, one can only assume that his naming choice stems from some sort of deep tradition that one cannot properly understand until one spends a night getting drunk off perfume in the forest. The real mindfuck here is that Phoenix is a boy. Yup. So not only did Yelawolf name his youngest child after what sounds like a rejected DC supervillain, he also sentenced him to a life of teasing from his older brother Tariq (which is also weird, but at least it doesn't sound like a name you would find at a truck stop strip club).
#2 Chip Tha Ripper - Cash
I'm convinced that the only reason Chip named his son Cash is so that he can finally claim to have some. What makes this worse is the fact that Chip's real last name is Worth, making his son Cash Worth or, as it will appear on government forms; Worth, Cash. Perhaps Cash Worth can take solace in the fact that his car seat will be in a Chevrolet Movie The-ater. Probably not though.
#1 T.I. -Messiah YaMajesty, Domani Uriah, Deyjah, and King
Coming in at the top spot is Tip with a four way tie for all of his children. It speaks volumes about your creativity when the BEST name you can come up with is also your own nickname, but T.I. takes it a level further by naming the other three after...I don't know... an enchanting spell from Final Fantasy? Say what you will about Blue Ivy and the Illuminati, but I'm pretty sure if you draw a pentagram, stand in the middle of it and say "Deyjah Domani Uriah Messiah YaMajesty" a dragon will appear and give you seven wishes.